Saturday, January 23, 2010

Still whelmed, still alive (cheesy post? It's probable)

It's ok though. I mean, obviously I'm thankful to still be alive, but school is stressing me out like none other. No matter how hard I try I feel stressed all the time, about my book, about friends, about my education, about finances, about life.

I had an epiphany though (one that maybe I should have had a lot sooner); that won't ever change. Like it or not, there will always be problems, there will always be pressure, and (no matter how hard I try to avoid it) there will always, ALWAYS be drama in some form or another.

Bigger epiphany: I'm ok with that.

I'll probably forget this peaceful feeling when I'm at the library tomorrow, reading a book that I can't afford to buy and wondering how on earth I'm going to write a paper on it, but it's all ok.

It's proof that I want to do well, that I won't settle for failure, that I'm still striving to be a better person.

And when that isn't enough (because a lot of the times it isn't, and all I want to do is sit on a beach and write my book or splash around in the waves), I'll have people there who understand what I'm going through, because they're going through it too. And even when we should be working, sometimes we'll know to take a break, sit back, and have a glass of wine.

Then return to the craziness we all call life.

Hedonism may be tempting sometimes, but at this moment, with all the pressure on my shoulders, I still think it's worth it to suffer through college, as long as I can have some wine and good company along the way.

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