From the ports of Delaware to the Redwood Forests

I'm worried about this summer.

I want it to be great, and since last summer, though fun, was not exactly great, I want to fix it. After all, this is my last summer of freedom. Pure, jobless, painless freedom.

And of course I have some ideas on what I'd like to do with it.

There are two options thus far; California or Delaware.

In California, I'd work in the Redwood forests at a travel lodge, in the thickets of nature. I'd be doing minor housecleaning and/or working at the gift store. I think I can handle it, but I'm not sure.

The good? I'd get to roam the forests and live on site for cheap. Nature, head on, not to mention a lot of research for my third book... muahahaha

The bad? I'd live on site. They said, and I quote, "lodging is one step up from camping." I think I can handle that. Of course, food storage rules would be strictly enforced, due to the LARGE BLACK BEAR POPULATION. Um, gulp?

The Ugly. Mice, spiders, and tics. Now, mice, I've never really had a problem with. Spiders, well, I need to get over that someday. But tics are another matter entirely. I've heard mixed reviews, from them burrowing completely inside somebody, to "they're just like mosquitos." Since I've never experienced a tic myself, I've of course imagined the worst case scenario, and that scares the shit out of me.

In Delaware, I would be in a volunteer/training program on a tall sail ship. A friend/acquaintance (alright, she's an acquaintance that I wish I'd known better) went through this program, and now sails the high seas FOR PAY whenever she pleases. I've been giving a lot of thought to a nomadic lifestyle, and this would definitely be a help. It sounds unconventional, adventurous, crazy.

The good? I'd be on a ship. Hello? Pirates of the Caribbean! I'd be with a bunch of crazy awesome people that I've never met, learning how to sail while on the high seas in the midst of summer.

The bad? I'm still not sure. There's the fact that I would know no one. Like, absolutely no one. I was brave enough to do it on the trip to Israel, but that blew up in my face. The 10% of me that is fiercely introverted took over my body, and as a result I made no friends, and had an awful time (ok it was still fun, but I would have had a better time had I just opened up). I don't know if I have to pay for lodging and board, and I'd be making no money.

The Ugly. Let's face it. I'm lazy at times, and this job is straight up hard labor. Not housekeeping, not sales; hard fucking labor. If I take either one of these jobs, I can't leave. I'm stuck, possibly miserable, for the entirety of my summer. My Last Summer. Did I mention I wouldn't know anyone? That scares the crap out of me.

I feel now is the appropriate time to tell myself these wondrous words of advice I learned from a new favorite movie of mine: Nut up or shut up.

I mean, really Kira. You wanted this. You wanted an adventure, to test your limits, the boundaries of what you can do, what you want out of the world. You aren't seriously going to run from the first test of truth with your tail between your legs?

Oh god, I'm talking to myself.

Sorry.

I just. I dunno. Sometimes it's smart to be scared. Aristotle said that. Or maybe Plato. One of 'em.

What do I DOOOOO??? What if I choose the wrong choice? What if I screw myself over completely? Or what if I don't follow through on either of them and spend my LAST summer in Wisconsin or Texas, rotting away without a license, at the mercy of my friends and parents like the sixteen year old I never wanted to be?

ARG.

Dear God,

Please choose for me, and make the right choice. Kthxbye.

-Kira (your loyal supporter, even if you didn't know it)